kamitlan

Thursday was hell for me. The chemical imbalance that charges my moods had me in the most aggravated state. I was so upset and just annoyed with myself and the world. I did my best to see if I could distract myself with a movie or shopping, but I found each distraction as a another occasion for anger, for disappointment. The best I can do these days is be moderately unhappy.
It's strange to be at the age of 27 and suffer from Depression and Anxiety and have what my doctors have called traits of Borderline Personality Disorder.  If you want to understand the "official definition" of all of that you may want to check out http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder.shtml
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression/complete-publication.shtml#pub1

Ha! Easily one can think that I'm some "crazy" person...don't worry I've wondered that  myself from time to time.
I'm under the care of a physician...(well, i'm in between dr's at the time, but hopefully Monday will change that).  I take my medication daily to manage the deep depressions that can and have incapacitated me. At one point I failed an entire semester of college and at another point I spent nearly 6months unemployed. I would never want to wish this personal hell onto anyone.

Now, well finding that I'm functional. In Psychiatry world i'm considered "high functioning"?! --because I can keep a full-time job and in some respects have a good circle of friends. Honestly I can only thank God for helping me get to where I am today.....to even considering returning to complete my Masters in Sociology.  Yet, at times this betterment can be an illusion or can misrepresent that fact that everyday is still a struggle. And that some days I am a torture unto myself. And that was Thursday....it became unbearable and i found myself in attempt at some relief texting my close friends to pray for me. And of course i just surrendered myself to God in prayer. It sounds easier than it seems.
At this time I'm in midst of experiencing a moderate depression that zaps my energy, leaving me very little really live life.

Love consumes us only in the measure of our self-surrender. -- St. Therese of Lisieux
At the end of our life, we shall all be judged by charity. -- St. John of the Cross