kamitlan

I almost practically fell asleep twice today as I was driving to and from a college fair.  Difficulty sleeping and taking anti-anxiety meds and antihistamines can be quite a lethal drowsy choice. But my anxiety and my sinuses have been making my life miserable. Last night just to finally fall asleep I took twice my recommended dose for my anti-anxiety meds. Yes, thats a huge NO NO, but I needed to sleep and I was just so tired yet completely anxious. I realized finally today that much of it stemmed from both encounters with people and the new grad class I'm taking.
Yes, the anticipation of class was weirding me out! But I did go to today and I just jumped into the water. I did my participation of discussion, even if I probably sounded like a bumbling fool. I feel a bit more at ease. And I plan to work hard to really learn and contribute. Hopefully I'll gain a better ability of thinking critically and explaining my thoughts. My class is Sociology of Law and I unfortunately lack any knowledge about legal philosophy. Hey I can just answer it's all a social construction....I think wikipedia will be my friend for the next few weeks.
Still annoyed with work issues, but trying to get past them and asking God for some very necessary intervention. I am in need of growing in patience, compassion and charity.
As loud and sarcastic I can be, I find myself disliking that part of me increasingly more. I know I developed my sarcasm as a way to defend myself and create humor.  My sarcasm and teasing people occurs mostly when I feel either threatened, insecure, or just needing to get attention.  But it can be truly uncharitable and very hurtful. I don't want to be that way. Yeah, I want people to like me, love me.
A friend of mine told me to be gentle with myself and not be see critical of myself. I understand what he means, but at the same time I dislike many things about or at least things I percieve about myself. I feel as if I can come across as a very obnoxious and loud person. I  know that I laugh rather loudly and that makes me more self-conscious these days.  And I can particularly amused by very mundane things, which can scare people.
Ok I'm starting to fall asleep btwn writing these sentences. Going ot make use of this sleepiness. Hopefully God will grant me a good nights rest..